Monday, October 14, 2013

40 minute writing

This morning we had 40 minutes to write about anything I wanted. From this we are going to set some goals for the term. Here i what I wrote.

Dramatically the ball came flying towards me I caught it. It was my first time getting the ball so I rocked up to the defence line then in the last second I dummied and the defence opened . So I hit the gap but I saw a defender chasing me as hard as he could so I ran as fast as my legs could go. The only person standing between me and the try was the  fullback and then I saw team-mates on the outside. So I threw the ball as hard as I could.

I glared at the ball as it flew through the air.
It was silent when I threw the ball. As the crowd stared anxiously waiting for the catch. He caught it the crowd screamed but there was the fullback chasing and caught him I ran as fast as I could. The ball was offloaded I got there just as the ball was going to touch the ground but somehow I caught it. Running to the 30 than the 20 and the 10  I dived in between the goal post.

It was was the best feeling ever when I got my first ever try. Then after the game we congratulated the other team so we celebrated with the other team.

I think that I have to work on my vocabulary and my punctuation. My goals are to try and get better at using my words and my punctuation. And my last goal is to try and make sense.
Include more information for the reader in my introduction. Make sure all my sentences are full sentences and use correct grammar. Use a variety of sentences to make my writing more interesting.

1 comment:

  1. Hey Jabez,

    Congrats on the first try :) I'm sure there are many more to come in your future.

    You've used some great 'hook' words to draw the reader into your writing. What goals do you think you sould set from this writing?

    Keep it up :)

    Looking forward to seeing you reach your goals.

    Mr. Hutchings.


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